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*If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead?"
*I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they
get older, then it dawned on me . . they were cramming for their finals.
*I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and
forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
*Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
mail?
*If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS
here for?
*You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
*If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still
wrong?
*If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
*Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zig-zag?
*If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
*So what's the speed of dark?
*Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
*If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
*Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
*Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s"
in it?
*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a
race car not called a racist?
*Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
*Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you
will have to touch it to be sure?
*If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
*If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from
Holland called "Holes?"
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Left handed people-only 15% of the population
*Bill Clinton
*George Bush
*Ronald Reagan
*Harry Truman
*Benjamin Franklin
*Napoleon
*Pablo Picasso
*Michealangelo
*Ringo Starr
*Paul McCartney
*Jimi Hendrix
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Fear of Science
Recently a freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High in Idaho urged people to sign a
petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen
monoxide", which, the petition said, causes excessive sweating and
vomiting, is a major component in acid rain, can cause sever burns in the
gaseous state, can cause death when accidentally inhaled, contributes to
erosion, decreases the effectiveness of automobile brakes, and has been found in
the tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Of 50 people asked if they supported a ban of the chemical, 43 said yes,
six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water.
The point here is not that most of these people do not know chemistry on the
high school level. The survey showed that most of them believed that it
was their right to support this restriction of technological freedom even though
they knew nothing whatsoever about the subject.
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The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar
surrendered after 38 minutes.
A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis'
middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
do.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to
remember the word you want.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the
world.
The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers
to a distinct part of DNA.
No president of the United States was an only child.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be
straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or
other emergencies.
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Serious Items to Ponder!!
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin
with.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you
will have to touch it to be sure?
If Barbie were a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her
proportions.
The average American woman weighs 144 lbs. and wears between a size 12 and 14.
One out of every 4 college aged women has an eating disorder.
Models who twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, today weigh
23% less.
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+Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
*57% have had deja vu.
*21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
*40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
*85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
*67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
*The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
*85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
*3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up
to higher denominations.
*29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
*90% believe in divine retribution.
*10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
*82% believe in an afterlife.
*45% believe in ghosts.
*13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
*29% of us are virgins when we marry.
*58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
*10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
*Over 50% believe in spanking - but only a child over 2 years old.
*How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family,
and religion. 7% would murder.
*Snickers is the most popular candy.
*22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
*14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
*Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
*The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
*Nearly 1/3 of US women color their hair.
*9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
*53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
*58% of women paint their nails regularly.
*33% of women lie about their weight. (Only 33%?)
*10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
*57% have had deja vu.
*49% believe in ESP.
*4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
*15% regularly go to a shrink.
*78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
*46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet,
yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
*30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
*54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
*23.5% admit they don't always flush.
*45.2% pee in the shower.
*44.9% pee in the ocean.
*28.1% pee in the pool.
*71.6% of us eavesdrop.
*22% are functionally illiterate.
*Less than 10% are trilingual.
*20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
*40% of us have had music lessons.
*53% read their horoscopes regularly.
*59% of us say we're average-looking.
*90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
*53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
*28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
*51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
*2 out of 5 have married their first love.
*The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
*1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
*6% propose over the phone.
*71% can drive a stick-shift car.
*45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
*2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
*1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
*12% of men never use their car blinkers.
*44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
*25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
* The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
* No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and
purple.
* Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
* On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
* The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters.
* A ducks quack doesnt echo, and no one knows why.
* The original story from "Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights" begins,
"Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."
* Spiral staircases in medieval castles are running clockwise. This is
because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb
the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the
sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights
would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights
because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.
* The house fly hums in the middle octave key of F.
* The longest place name still in use is:
Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokai-whenuakitan
atahu--a New Zealand hill.
* Los Angeles's full name is: "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de
los Angeles de Poriuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,
"LA."
* Only 1 in 2,000,000,000 will live to be 116 or older.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
* Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
* A cat's jaw cannot move sideways.
* If she were life size, Barbie's measurements are: 39-23-33.
* All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
* A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
* In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a
watch is 10:10.
* Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
* The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the
cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
* A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
* A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
* On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand
corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider
hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
* The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth
from 1.8 miles away.
* The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the
creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence
"Oz."
* Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
* John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
* The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
* Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
* If the Loch Ness monster exists at all, he (or she) could only be about
as big as a sixth grader. A new study shows that there is only enough fish in
the loch to feed a 31 kg (about 67 lb) creature. The scientists used sonar to
estimate the number of fish in the lake and came up with an annual food supply
of 93 kg. Since a cold blooded animal like Nessie would need to eat about three
times its body weight each year, it could only weigh about 31 kg.
* Polar bears are left-handed.
* Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
* Alexander the Great was an epileptic.
* A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
* Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.
* The face of a penny can hold about thirty drops of water.
* Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
* A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant.
have been tested, and half-caused cancer in rats.
* 55,700 people in the US are injured by jewelry each year.
* In Miami, Florida, roosting vultures have taken to snatching poodles from
rooftop patios.
* There is now an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter
population of about 200.
* Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
* It only takes a male horse 14 seconds to copulate.
* A group of crows is called a murder.
* Rabbits and Horses cannot vomit.
* About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still
sitting on it.
* Dragonflies have a life span of only 24 hours.
* Elephants are the only animal that can't jump.
* The palms of your hands and the soles of your feet cannot tan.
* No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
* The radioactive substance, Americanium - 241 is used in many smoke
detectors.
* The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515.
* Every Swiss citizen is required by law to have a bomb shelter or access
to a bomb shelter.
* Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits.
* There is a place in Norway called "Hell".
* Ants do not sleep.
* In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
* The USA bought Alaska from Russia for 2 cents an acre.
* Flush toilets date back to 2000 B.C.
* The flatulation from domesticated cows produce about 30% of the methane
on this planet.
* Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
* The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland was a symbolic character for the
hat makers in towns of the late 1800's. The large felt hats of the day had
supports made out of lead. The lead caused an organic form of psychosis (brain
damage) to develop in the hat makers causing them to be declared crazy.***funny...
I thought it was 'cuz of the mercury in the steam
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