Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
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Two boll weevils grew up in South
Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other
stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second
one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils. |
Two vultures board an airplane,
each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and
says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger."
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A three legged dog walks into a
saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
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Did you hear that NASA recently
put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the
herd shot 'round the world.
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A woman has twins, and gives them
up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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A group of chess enthusiasts
checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their
recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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These friars were
behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh,
and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. |
