Silly Blonde Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay
the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and
catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when
he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She
takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to
the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the
alligator on its back, and in frustration shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing
any shoes either!"

A YEAR OF BLONDES IN REVIEW:

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a
slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the
typewriter.
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the
box said "2 to 4 years"
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"
8. Burnt her nose bobbing for french fries.
9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per
pound and she weighed 125.
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those
little packets
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said
"good up to 20 pounds"
14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition complained that
the other swimmers were using their arms
15. What goes "vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing
red light
16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger
when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down".

"Mirror, Mirror"

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room
there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie --
*poof* -- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and
stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman
in the world." -- *poof* The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I
think I'm the sexiest woman alive." -- *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror
and says, "I think...." -- *poof*

Equestrian Experience

A blonde decides to try riding horseback, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse and
tries to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled
in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as
her head strikes the ground over and over again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when -- fortunately the Walmart manager sees her and
shuts off the horse.

Two Blondes were driving by a wheat field when they saw another Blonde
in the middle of it trying to row a boat.

The Blonde driving the car stopped and said, "It's Blondes like that,
that give us a bad name."

The second Blonde said, "Yeah, if I could swim, I'd go out there and
drown her!"

The Blonde and the Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee,
he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the
4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can
stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do
with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me
from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full
potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in
the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde
yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on
your knee!"

A blonde returned home from work and was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She called the
police immediately to report the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels
and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on
a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch. The sight of
the cop and his dog made her shudder. She put her face
in her hands as she sat down on the steps and began
moaning.

"What's the moaning all about, ma'am?" asked the
officer.

The blonde replied, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"

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