Dr. Seuss explains why computers crash:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is Interrupted
at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk
abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking
icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted cause the
index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless and your systems gonna
crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is
connected to the button on the mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to
another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, till your
icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and
go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet the suckers gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, And the macrocode
instructions cause unnecessary risk, Then you'll have to flash the memory and
you'll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to
tell your Mom!

• Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
• Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
• Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
• Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 300MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, and then slowly expands to 200MB.
• Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Deletes all old files.
• Ellen Degeneres virus: You can no longer insert disks into your computer.
• Titanic virus: Your whole computer goes down.
• Disney virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
• Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
• Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.
• Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.