I am a BAD American.

     I like big cars, big houses and naturally big tits. I believe the
     money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level
     governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give
     it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

     I don't care about appearing compassionate.

     I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer.

     I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

     I think I'm better than the homeless.

     I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

     I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist.

     I have the right to not be tolerant of others because they are
     different; weird or piss me off.

     I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.

     I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in
English.

     I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a Shield for
     unpopular opinions or actions.

     I want to know why there is MTV.

     I know what the definition lying of is.

     I think Oprah's eyes are way too far apart.

     I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.

     I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

     I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

     I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne,
     Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I have to
     listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a
     red light.

     I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
     enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.

     I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or
     fat-free on the package.

     I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods,
     and they can do it in their schools.

     My heroes are John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and whoever canceled
     Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

     I don't hate the rich.

     I don't pity the poor.

     I know wrestling is fake.

     I think global warming is typical liberal scare tactics and junk
     science.

     I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the
desert
     after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any
     witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so
     shut-the-"heck"-up already.

     Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh.

     I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing
     them.

     I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous
     than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

     I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jessie
     Jackson preaches.

     I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen puts her
      tongue.

     I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're
running from them.

     I thought Spinal Tap sucked, and Rob Reiner can still kiss my ass.

     I hope that George W. DOES get elected in November so that Alec
     Baldwin, Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, Ed Asner, Mike Farrel and the
     rest of the liberal-assed Hollywood freaks WILL move out of OUR
     country.

     I worry about dying before I get even.

     I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it pisses
     me  off. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay,
     disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the
     mainstream of this  country has more value as a human being that I
     do as a white male.  Hell, if someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate
      crime.

        I think turkey bacon sucks.

     I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point
     out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police
     eventually pull out of the car are gonna be a bunch of gang-bangers.

     I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes
     a parent with the balls to stand up to the kid and say "NO".

     I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please
     don't pretend they are a political statement.

     I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch
     for your living room.

     I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.

     I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

     I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting
     somebody's feelings.

     Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in the trash, even when the
     recycle bin is just a few more steps and I crush my cigarettes
     out on the curb. If recycling is so damned important to you, you
     are welcome to dig through my trash at the landfill and take out the
     cans and plastics.

     I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately
     the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

     Yes, I'm guess I'm a bad American.