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Albert puts down his stopwatch and smiles, despite the reception of his theory.
Q: Why is electricity so dangerous? A: It doesn't know how to conduct itself.
MORE TO COME :)
Pretty Punny Physics Jokes |
| A physics professor at a state university was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would through himself from the top of desks and throw Frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles. One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he lost his balance and tumbled into the first row. He apologized to his class for going off on a tangent. | ||
| A high school physics teacher had a summer job as a beach lifeguard. He noted that the best tanned babes flirted the most throughout the summer, though they never found steady boyfriends. He theorized that: A body in lotion trends to stray emotion. | ||
| Absolute zero is cool. | ||
| Potential Sources: There not sources, but they could be. | ||
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| A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge" | ||
| Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, no! I lost an electron!" The other responds, "Are you sure?!?" "Yes, I'm positive!" | ||
| Why did the cat fall off the roof? Because he lost his mu. | ||
| Brownian motion = Jogging girl scout | ||
| Q: What is a tachyon? A: A sub-atomic particle devoid of good taste. | ||
| So the 2nd atom asks: "Quantum well - what are ya
gunnadoo abootit? and the 1st atom, after having a few, replies: "In
principle, I am uncertain about getting charged, maybe its gone off on the
great cosmic wave train, or eloped with a stray alpha particle. Maybe I'm
just losing my attraction? Maybe I've taken one too many hits from the
lab. Maybe I should just decay right here in this bar." At that
moment, a delightful little electron flies through the aether of the
inter-atomic realms and settles in a mutually comfortable 1920's
eigenstatechair near the virtuous pair, and says to the two atoms:
"Hope you guys are not molecular" So the 1st atom perks up and
says: "Naa: just been surfin' and think I lost an electron" The
2nd atom finishes his drink and leaves, saying: "Gunna split. Gotta
DNA contract this evening" And as the sun sets slowly in the west,
and the crescent moon rises only just a little faster over the eastern
ridges of the atomic horizon, the atom and the electron take a stroll
under the emergent stars, and know with a growing certainty that they are
not just some loose charges looking for a little physical action, but in
fact the beginning of a newly created completeness in the midst of the
cosmic harmony - if only for a picosecond. Albert puts down his stopwatch and smiles, despite the reception of his theory. |
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| Anything that doesn't matter has no mass. | ||
| Gravity brings me down | ||
| Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023. | ||
| Relativity : Family get-togethers at Christmas | ||
| Gravity : Strength of a glass of beer | ||
| Time travel : Throwing the alarm clock at the wall | ||
| Black holes : What you get in black socks | ||
| Critical mass: A gaggle of film reviewers | ||
| Hyperspace : Where you park at the superstore | ||
| Neutrinos have bad breadth | ||
| Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a Physicist? A: A Bohr Constrictor. | ||
| Q: Does light have mass? A: Of course not. It's not even Catholic!!! | ||
Q: Why is electricity so dangerous? A: It doesn't know how to conduct itself. |
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MORE TO COME :) |
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